The “Unsexy Costume” Badge
There’s nothing wrong with a sexy costume because fun is fun, but there’s a something excellent in a chick who, on the boobsiest day of the year, shows up in a bear costume that covers her from head to tits to ass to toes. Like Cady Heron’s “Ex-Wife” and Britta from Community's dinosaur, seeing a woman go balls to the wall on a costume that does not exist primarily to make people want to remove it is refreshing. Plus: fewer nip-slips.
If you’re stuck for ideas this holiday weekend, here are some unsexed-up costumes:
- Miss Havisham
- Jodie Foster in Nell
- Any and all full body animal suits (NO SPANDEX)
- Kelly McGillis in Witness
- Roseanne after a long day of work at The Lunch Box
- Harriet the Spy
- Mother Teresa
- Our impending mortality
- A serious business lady who values her job and does not want to be fired for dressing inappropriately
- Your own Nana
- A sea-monster
- Joan of Arc
Obviously any of these costumes can be made sexy by adding the world sexy and removing most of the top (your own Nana? Dude…), but that is a decision you have to deal with on your own.
Pin this badge to the ass of your two-person horse costume, and go enjoy some candy.