1) We were featured in the Observer’s 100 Funniest Tumblr’s … Ever this past Friday. Wow and thanks and wow! This was a very cool honor and resulted in a small influx of new followers. This leads us to our second point…
2) (…which is a reminder to some of you all but Shiny and Brand New to others, so bear with us:) Please feel encouraged to submit! Badges, ideas, titles, whatever! You’re earning your badges just by LIVING so unless you are not living, you probably have some great ideas! If you are not, Rest In Peace!
3) Last week was our last week doing Honorary LadyScouts on TheGloss. Honorary LadyScouts will still appear here on this Tumblr, as they did before. We want to extend our thanks to everyone at TheGloss for having us, particularly departing editor Lilit Marcus who is a wonderful Scout in her own right. Thank you!
The “One is the Loveliest Number” Badge for Being Cool About Valentime’s Day
So, you are alone on this Day of Days, Valentine’s Day. OH GOD NO. You know what’s wrong with that? Literally nothing. There is just nothing wrong with that at all.
You know that you are fantastic and weird and wonderful and hilarious, and you deserve to have another person by your figurative side if you want one. But you also know 1) that there is a lot more to you than that and 2) that today is just one day! Out of so many days in your whole life! Unless you are a single fruit fly, in which case this business is sort of a legitimate bummer. But assuming you are a human woman, then you are like, “Who cares?” and more importantly, “Yes, I will have some free candy and/or baked goods!”
We wanted to remind you of this thing you already know: there is someone who is great and who you get to spend time with today. It’s you, duh no duh! And that is the biggest reason why you will definitely not waste a single second being One Of Those People Who Is Mad on Valentine’s.
You would never punish yourself by being miserable or whiny just because you didn’t receive a cheesy card or flowers that will die in a week, because that is pointless and kind of bonkers. However, you can also acknowledge that receiving a cheesy card or flowers that will die in a week is totally fun! No matter what your status is today, you will find your own days that really count.
Pin this badge over your heart because it is our Valentine to you, Awesome Single LadyScout. Will U B Rs?
Oh hey girl. Guess what! You’ve reached the point in your life where all of your friends decided to start growing humans of their very own. And this is exciting! Babies are nice, in theory. And you want one. You know, at some point. They have this unique baby smell. And their socks are so tiny. Their eyelashes! Have you seen those eyelashes? Who knew you could have so many FEELINGS about another being’s eyelashes.
But as each pregnancy announcement flashes across your tumblr dashboard, a sense of dread creeps inside you. You can barely take care of your own self and occasionally you forget to feed your cat. How is it possible that your friends are taking care of little humans! And they had to give up wine! Who can give up wine? Coffee? No coffee? and no soft cheese? WHY IS THIS BABY TAKING AWAY ALL OF LIFE’S HAPPINESSES?!?
And what was that? Your friend is going into labor RIGHT NOW? And your other friend just mentioned that she had third degree tears when she pushed out her child? And there was a bar (not the good kind of bar) involved? Um, yeah, that is totally normal that your own lady parts start to hurt. And your boyfriend should understand your desire for him to KEEP THAT BABY-MAKING STICK AWAY FROM YOU for a few days. And if you need to go into the ladies’ room to take a pregnancy test JUST IN CASE, don’t worry, we won’t judge.
Grab this badge for remaining externally thrilled to bits that everyone around you is procreating and internally terrified that it is possible for someone to grow another person’s eyeballs.
In the above picture, Dr. Sally Ride is in space. Do you have any pictures of you in space? It’s cool if you don’t, I guess, but Sally Ride definitely does have pictures like that and this is one of them. If you do have pictures of you in space you don’t have to read the article, but if you don’t you should probably read it right now thisveryminute, thank you!
This week we get fierce, but the kind of fierce that brings down kingdoms and unseats heads of states and rocks the foundations of entire cities, not just the kind that looks really good in heels. TILDA.
This badge is for your ability to handle group dynamics. While it’s nice to be a fully realized individual, people who need people are the luckiest et cetera, and teamwork is Necessary Life Skill. It can be tempting to jump to extremes in multiplayer situations — becoming either domineering or laying down and going with whatever happens. There are so many ways to fail in a group (bossy, whiny, lazy, grumpy, sleepy, Doc), and one weak link can send a whole project into a tailspin. A true LadyScout makes her opinions be heard and her willingness to compromise prevail. You are helpful, assertive, respectful and smart, and we would choose you as team captain any day.
So, here’s the thing about Right Now and The World: shit is crazy. I think we all know about The Birds (Hitchcock is currently rolling in his grave, realizing that this is so much scarier) and the fish and the bees and the LOST numbers and that lady who tried to call the police on her boyfriend to make him propose and every other piece of chaos that is heavily implying that the seams are showing on the Matrix and the end is nigh. And some people are really and truly freaking out about all of this.
But you are not! You recognize that Tami Taylor wouldn’t believe in aliens. You know that unless you’re a scientist or the government or Anderson Cooper, your concern is not actually helping. Or maybe you don’t even think twice — you only see the logical side, the rational side, the side that sleeps easily at night and doesn’t hyperventilate in the office bathroom.
“Holy god,” you are thinking to yourself, “I am a grown-ass woman and I can recognize that the world is a bananas place where initially inexplicable things happen and very often we later get explanations for them. OR NOT. Whatever. Life has to keep going! You cannot stop and weep over every small oddity, or talk endlessly about what the moon is doing to your romantic life, or fret about the possibility that North Korea has black magic astrotechnology. There is work to be done! SNAP OUT OF IT, people!”
Pin this badge this badge a little crooked if you want, you earned it.